fuck them all
2004-06-14, 8:32 a.m.

Please tell me, how can someone who during the six week relationship that we had managed to overdose on Xanax twice, get drunk three times, physically assault me once, throw shit on several occasions, all the while promising me that it would "never happen" or "never happen again"....how does this person now have the ability to actually make it seem like I AM THE ONE BEING UNREASONABLE.

Yes Eagle is telling me that I am being unfair to her. I couldn't possibly have loved her as much as I said I did if I could walk away from her just because of "one thing."

Fuck her. Fuck her and her selfish world of what Eagle wants Eagle gets. Fuck her and her "it'll never happen again" crap.

Why the hell do I find it so damn hard to turn off feelings of guilt over this situation. I actually feel guilty for not giving her another chance. What the fuck is that about it? Do I really want to put myself back into a situation like that? No. Not even a little.

Yeah she did a lot of great things for me. Yeah she showed me love like no one else has. But that does not make up for the rest of it. I deserve to not have to fear that the person I live with is going to get drunk and turn into a psycho. I do not deserve even ONE TIME of someone putting their hands on me.

I am so angry right now. I hate this anger inside of me. It is foreign to me, but I can't help it. Everyone I have ever fucking trusted and loved in this world has either left me or hurt me. So fuck that.

I will NOT put myself back into that. No matter how much I feel selfish for it. Fuck her. Fuck them all.

I need only myself. I can hurt just fine on my own thank you.

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