Living up to my potential
2004-06-15, 9:16 a.m.

Well I managed to stay strong last night. Despite the barrage of calls from Eagle. She started with telling me how sick she is, then drifted off into some kind of hallucinations, and topped it off with suicide threats. I turned off the phone and went to bed.

This morning my inbox was flooded with emails from her with the last one being very mean and nasty. But what did I expect?

The more she acts like a five year old the easier it is for me to turn my back.

What I realize is that she has been using threats against herself for years to try and manipulate those that she loves. She's made it this far, I doubt she'll actually do it. But if she did, I cannot be held responsible for it. I realize that if she were to actually commit suicide, I would inevitably feel guilty because guilt is my natural state. But hopefully I could see the act as what it is. The act of an unbalanced individual.

But I'm just going to hope for all our sakes that she does not actually do it. I hope the best for her. It breaks my heart that she is such a wonderful person who cannot seem to take control of her life.

But I cannot fall in love with someone's potential. I spent a long time loving MyexLove's potential and where did that get me? Exactly.

The only potential I want to see is my own. And I have a lot of it. Not only that, but I plan to live up to it too.

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