bitter about dad
2004-06-22, 9:08 a.m.

I made a doctor's appointment for next week. I swear I'm getting paranoid in my old age. I find one little bump, lump, spot, etc. and freak out. I guess when you spend a lot of time a lone you really start looking at yourself both internally and externally. So just to ease my worried mind, I'm going to go to the doctor and point out all my little worries.

Other than that, I'm doing pretty good. Still coming down from the awesome weekend I had.

I'm feeling a little bitter about my dad and half sister right now. I've mentioned this before, but my dad was a real dead beat most of my life. He was never in my life, never took an active interest in my life, it was always up to me to keep the ties there. Anyway, he recently found JESUS and is now the fanatical holy roller that he used to make fun of all the time. Go figure.

So now he has converted my half sister too. Great. They actually sang a duet last Sunday at church....isn't that special???? What the fuck ever.

What kind of Christian gets a call from his daughter saying that she's going through some things and really wanted to talk to her dad, and he ends up talking about HIMSELF the whole time. Then, doesn't even call back in a few days to see how I'm doing. Yeah. So trying to be the good daughter I called him for Father's Day. His phone was not on, so I left a message. He calls me back at 10:30 p.m., waking me up. He proceeds to talk about HIMSELF and not even ASK how I am. How my apartment is, etc. Whatever.

But now that his other daughter is a fellow Christian....she can do no wrong. But HEATHEN that I am and all....he can't even fucking call and see how I'm doing once in awhile.

Yeah I'm bitter. I keep hoping that one day he'll be the father that he should be. Instead I fear the day is coming soon where I let it all out and risk alienating him forever. But so what? It's not like he's there now anyway.

Why do I feel the need to call and wish him a Happy Father's Day anyway? He NEVER calls me. Maybe we need a daughter's day so he might feel the need to actually reach out to me at least once a fucking year.

Yeah I'm bitter.

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