a fight about the same things again
2003-06-24, 9:49 a.m.

Where to begin??? Remember when I said I thought that MyLove and I will be talking about my unhappiness soon? Well that was last night.

I got home and, as usual, no kiss. In fact I got a sarcastic remark about me not helping her carry some things from the kitchen to the livingroom. I lost it.

I told her that I can't live like this anymore and if this is who she is and this is the way it's going to be forever, then I want out. I cried a lot. I told her that I feel like I irritate her more than anything. I feel like she doesn't want me physically. I told her that my body and heart are aching for her touch.

Then she blew up. I called her an idiot. She called me a cunt. She picked the touchiest thing she could say and hurled it at me. I grabbed my keys and purse and told her that I will not tolerate verbal abuse from her. She picked up the coffee table and threw it. I walked out the door.

I got to my car and she ran after me. She told me if I left that it was over. I told her it's over anyway. She said she didn't want me to go. I told her hateful and mean things would not get me to stay. I told her she could stop me with love. She asked me to come back in.

I came back in. We talked. She suggested at the end that we give it until the end of July and see how we feel then. I agreed.

After the fight I told her that if she loses me, she's losing a great thing. I also let her know that I have other people interested in me. She got jealous. That made me happy....she needs to know that there are others out there who can treat me right.

I love her, I feel better today, but I'm still not hopeful that we'll work out in the end. But I'll give it till the end of July.

It was exhausting, but I said somethings that I had been afraid to say in the past, and I'm glad. I'm starting feel like I've got nothing to lose, so I might as well say what's on my mind.

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