What do you need to fill yourself up?
2004-06-29, 8:58 a.m.

As I sat at home alone last night I wanted something. What? I didn't know. I lit a cigarette, nope that wasn't it. I made a sandwich, nope that wasn't it either. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what I wanted. It was damn frustrating. How can you feel completely at ease being alone when you have this intense craving for something, but you have no idea what it is?

How do you fill yourself up? Does it just happen one day? Or do will I always have this empty feeling at times?

I went to my ex-husband's sister's funeral yesterday. It was hard. It was hard to see all these people that I've known and loved for so many years. I hadn't seen most of them for almost two years now. But as always, they welcomed me warmly.

It felt good for awhile to belong to a family again, even for a few hours. But then when it was all over and I drove away alone, I was sad.

So what did I do? Went and got a haircut and colored my hair! It was supposed to be Rich Mahagony, but it looks more like deep purple. But it's different.

Okay better get back to work. I feel less empty today than I did yesterday. But I still wanna know. What do I need to fill me up when I feel empty?

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