whiney me
2004-06-30, 1:18 p.m.

What is wrong with me??? I hate that I cannot control my feelings. It sucks.

Now I'm annoying myself by whining. I hate whiners....yes that was said while stomping my feet and clenching my fists...just like the whiner that I am today.

Ugh....

Spoke with MyexLove earlier today. I was rather rude to her. I don't know why. I guess it's the passive agressive in me. Instead of screaming, "I miss you" I scream "I hate you." I don't know.

Then there's Eagle. She is such a tremendous support for me. I'm not sure I've ever relayed that. It just sucks that at any given time she can flip out! It's like 75% of the time she is the most wondeful, sane, caring, nourturing, spoiling, attentive person ever to love me. But then there's that 25% of the time when she turns into someone I don't know, nor do I like.

I find myself talking to her and missing her and spending time with her....then bam...she turns. She wants more, and more, and more. She can't understand why I won't commit to her, or anyone. She feels hurt that I don't include her in all aspects of my life.

Fuck. I'm frustrated. That's it just frustrated. I want to fast forward to the end of this pain and mourning.

I want to be done with these feelings of longing for MyexLove. Why do I still have them? Why?

Okay enough whining.

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