feeling inadequate
2005-07-05, 1:37 p.m.

Well I had my first face to face with my new boss. I get the distinct impression that he feels I am not qualified for this job. However, he had no say in the hiring, so he�s got to live with it. In all I left the meeting feeling inadequate and that pisses me off. He made me feel like I have so much to do to even to qualify for this position. He encouraged me to go back to school, which I really do want to do. It�s just time and money that�s stopping me. But I�ve got to find a way. Then I have to find a way to get Eagle to not be so demanding on my home time.

As it is, I have to learn a lot of stuff to prepare me for this job, and much of it will be on my own time. Eagle is just going to have to learn to deal with that. Period.

I put in a call to one of my former bosses to go get a pep talk. Plus he�s got a doctorate in professional training (or something like that) so I�m hoping he can give me some helpful hints. I�m feeling overwhelmed and I haven�t even started the job yet.

For the next week at least, I�ll be in my old desk, left to my own devices to learn some basics on such things as power point and other software. I�m not complaining, but I�m just feeling like I�m in over my head, and I could really use a hug from my mom at this point. But that�s not going to happen, I guess I�ll just have to see myself through this. I can do it, I know I can. I�m just plain scared of failing right now. Scared shitless to be exact.

So that�s my first day back to work. Sure hope it gets better from here.

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