happy and baby time
2003-07-09, 9:44 a.m.

I'm feeling good. Happy, sane, loved, and loving. I've decided to take some advice my mother used to give me. When you don't like something, or something is making you feel bad, step back and see if you can find another way of looking at it. And, that is just what I've done.

I've decided that if I want to feel MyLove's touch, I'll go touch her. If I want a kiss from MyLove, I'll go kiss her. If I want to be silly with my love, I'll go be silly with her. I'm going to stop looking at what she DOESN'T give me and start giving what I want and taking what I want. So far, it feels great. She seems to be responding really well to it. Last night after I rubbed and carressed her neck, she actually turned to me and kissed me! Yep, I think this is the answer. I am a very happy girl.

On top of that happiness....is this....hold your breath now. I am going to get pregnant very soon. Yep, I've decided I want a baby, and I want one now! MyLove has told me she wants a child with me and only with me....and I want one with her. But I am looking at it realistically too. I make enough to afford to raise a child on my own if need be. If something should happen to MyLove, or if she and I were to not make it, I know that I would still be okay.

I really want to be a mom. My mother was such a wonderful teacher and inspiration to me I want the chance to pass that on. My mom was a single mother, much of my growing up and I know that I could do it too if I had to. Hopefully I won't though. Hopefully MyLove and I will last forever and raise our child/children together and live happily ever after. But if that doesn't happen, it's okay, because I'll always have somebody to love and to love me.

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