A beautiful thing.
2004-07-14, 8:59 a.m.

Well after all the hoopla to get two hours off of work to go to the doctor, I get there and am informed that I don't have an appointment. Now I know that I specifically made an appointment for yesterday, but they had no record of it. So....now I have an appointment next Tuesday, but at least it is at 6:15 p.m. so I don't have to take any precious time from my job.

After work I went shopping, then went home to relax and enjoy an evening alone. But, that isn't what happened.

Eagle had a very emotional day, and unlike in the past, she respected my wish to stay home, and did not demand that I come over, did not accept my invitation for her to come to me. She didn't even call me back. Believe me when I say, this really had an effect on me.

So, being the caring person that I am, I got in the car and went to see her. She was keeping herself busy doing laundry and cleaning....which is an achievement in and of itself. But I could tell with one look that she was not okay. I let her come to me in her own time and a half hour after I got there she came and sat down and talked. She cried, and I held her. And then she smiled.

I'm discovering more and more about Eagle. She FEELS everyone's pain. She thinks that death is the enemy and wonders why we bother to live our lives knowing we will die one day anyway. I told her that we cannot beat death, the only option we have is to live our lives to the fullest that we can before we die. But it is futile to worry about death when it is a fact that we will die someday.

Although I know she's got a long way to go before she starts to see it the way that I am showing it to her, I do see her willing to open her mind up more to other views. And that is a healthy and encouraging thing.

She said she wonders if she'll ever not cry so much, not feel so much all the time. I told her that I think she will learn now to create a balance in time. Right now she's feeling emotions that she's buried with drugs and alcohol all her life. But eventually these emotions, if left to actually come out and be felt, will subside and even out.

I can't say that I know what I'm talking about, but if what I said feels right to me.

Anyway, within an hour she had calmed and even laughed. This is such huge progress for her. Huge. Before she would have let that mood spoil her whole evening, and probably the day after as well.

I'm proud to be a part of her recovery, but most of all I'm proud of her for finally wanting life more than death. It's a beautiful thing.

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