letter to dad
2005-07-19, 11:09 a.m.

Letter to my dad:

Dear Dad,

Okay so it seems you and Eagle have had an exchange of emails. After having
read all of the emails I am mostly sad. My first reaction however was to
laugh out loud at your response. You have become what you always hated.
I'm sure in your brainwashed head you would say that you were "of the devil"
back then, and yadda yadda yadda. To me, you've taken the easy way out of
my life, and you can now do so with the righteousness of the Lord Almighty
to back you up. That's very convenient.

I'm trying hard to keep this email civil, I truly am, but that's not an easy
task. All my life I've waited to hear you say you are proud of me, that you
want me as a daughter, that I could count on you if I ever needed you. I
never heard those words. Yes, of course, when pestered by me I get your
attention. I get to hear about your life, on and on, about your life. You
told me once that the reason you talk so much is because I don't have any
input in our conversation. But do you ever ask about my life? Even before
I was this great sinner? No, you rarely if ever asked about my life.

What has become clear to me now is that you have chose yet one more reason
to keep me at arm's length. I've spent enough time trying to figure out why
you do that. I'm not going to waste my time on that anymore. I've grown up
without a daddy and it appears I will live the rest of my life without a
daddy. I'm also not going to feel guilty anymore about not being the best
daughter I could be, because as you know I wasn't, but I was a hell of a lot
better of a daughter than you ever were as a father.

I do not want your toleration of me and the one that I love. I thought that
maybe at some point your senses would kick in and you would realize that I
am your daughter, your blood, and that would be all that would matter, but I
realize that is not going to happen, and that is too bad. I thought that
because my mother gave me unconditional love, that you as my father would
too. I was wrong. So go on and enjoy your Christian life. To me it is a
hypocritical one and I will not support your choice to live that lifestyle
any more than you would support mine.

I am truly sorry it came to this, but I'd rather have no father, than a
judging one. I'd rather be alone in this world, then to know that the only
one left of the two people that brought me into this world, would condemn me
for loving another.

Do me one favor at this time. Imagine yourself back when you had a mind of
your own....before the dogma's invaded you and erased your free will. Do
you remember how you laughed at your family members for their brainless
following of archaic ritual? Do you remember having fun? When life wasn't
about heaven and hell? Do remember ever loving me as your flesh and your
blood? Because I surely don't.

Please take care and be well, but unless you can tell me that you are no
longer sitting in judgement of me, and have found your own voice once again,
please don't contact me. I don't need your conditional love. I've gone
without it long enough, I'm used to it.

Your daughter

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