Eagle and her mom....and still missing you know who
2004-07-23, 8:41 a.m.

Finally it's Friday. I am very thankful. I am ready for the weekend.

Well there was a hitch in Eagle starting work yesterday. Some of the medical clearance papers from her doctor were not in yet, so they couldn't let her start. But she'll probably be all set for Monday. So she spent the day peeling down the wallpaper in the upstairs bathroom. We are going to redecorate the bedroom and both bathrooms in the near future. In fact last night we went to dinner with her mom and then went to go look at some paint samples.

Even though I don't live there at this time, Eagle is determined to have me help pick out the theme and colors. So we've decided on a rich cranberry color for the bedroom and we're going to stencil quotes about love on the walls in a cream or white color. Then in the bathroom, we're going to go with black and white and stencil some musical symbols and maybe some lyrics. In the downstairs bathroom we're going with a southwestern style border and a rusty orange color on the walls that is taken right from the border.

It's really great to see Eagle taking so much pride in her surroundings.

Last night as we had dinner with her mom, I noticed Eagle get more and more tense. Later that night I asked her what it was about. She said that she feels like her mother tenses up, and so that is why she does. But as an outsider to the situation I told her that I think it's the other way around. I think that for many years Eagle has manipulated her mom to get what she wanted. But now that she's maturing she feels bad about this, but doesn't know how to behave otherwise, and so she then gets tense. She thought about it and I think she believes this could be true.

SO I am for sure not taking Eagle to the party on Saturday. She's okay with it, but she's a bit bummed that everyone else she knows is busy that day. I personally don't even want to go. But I will. I know I'll have a good time once I get there.

This week has been bad for missing MyExLove. I really do believe that I'll ALWAYS miss her like this. It sucks too. I mean I think about all the years from High School to when I got together with her and I missed her a lot during those years. Now that I know what we had, it's even worse. And the stupidest part of it is, that I love Eagle. A lot. I love spending time with her, I miss her when I am not near her too. But underneath all that is this current that just keeps on steady, and it gives me this longing for MyExLove and I wish that it would go away. I truly wish that it would.

This is not to say that it hasn't gotten better, because it really has. But everytime I see a car like hers, or every time a certain song comes on, or a commercial, or whatever....it just reminds me of her, and I fear that this will always be the case.

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