I'm sick of being broke
2004-07-29, 8:58 a.m.

I hate hate hate being so damn broke. This sucks. I had prided myself on not getting behind in my bills and now my cell phone is shut off, and so is my home phone. This just sucks!

Yeah I get paid tomorrow, but I have to pay rent, and I'm in the whole by nearly $100.00 in my bank, so whoopee, I won't have much left.

I've made up my mind. I'm moving back in with Eagle. I know people won't agree. But this is stupid. I'm never at my apartment. I never want to be away from her. We spend every night together.

Yeah I'm afraid that one day she'll fuck up again, but she could do that now. Worst case scenario, I move back out for good. But just really don't think that will happen. I think she learned her lesson well. Regardless of the facts, history, etc. I'm doing this because it's killing me to pay all this money out for a place I don't even live in.

She started her job and is loving it. The hours are perfect for her. She feels comfortable and gets a long with her co-workers. Hell, they've already invited us over to play board games some night. She's beaming, and she's feeling like the grown up she is.

I don't know why I trust her not to hurt me. I really don't know, but I do trust her. Maybe I'm stupid. But I can't seem to NOT trust her. She treats me great. We get a long great. We talk about everything. We've both been hurt and burned in love so many times, that we seem to have a way about us that puts all the lessons we've learned to use.

Regardless of it all. This is what I want to do. I'm tired of being afraid of what my friends will say. Fuck that. I just want to be happy, spend every night with the person I love, come home to the place that I feel at home in, and plan for our future.

That's it.

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