peaceful
2003-07-30, 9:02 a.m.

Last night I was pissed. I got home and there was MyLove's cell phone bill, open and right there in the drawer. I looked. She called TheExFromHell alot. Though, still less than last bill. Except this time she talked for longer periods of time. I kind of expected this based on what she told me this weekend about talking to TheExfromHell about how miserable she had been. But what really got me was the call on July 1. That day we had a fight and I asked her if she had talked to TheExFromHell that day and she said, "I swear on your mother, I did not talk to her today." But there was a call to her on the bill for that day. It was only two minutes, but it was a call. And then there was in incomming call shortly after that was longer. So she lied to me. But I'm not surprised. I think she lies just because that's what she does.

The other thing I found last night was a rejection letter from a furniture story. They denied her credit due to a bankruptcy. Yes, a bankruptcy. One that she has NEVER told me about. In fact, she had made me feel like less of a responsible adult on several occasion based on MY bankruptcy. She has critized others about their bankruptcies....but she filed herself!

So I've come to this conclusion....MyLove knows her lies are starting to pile up and that soon they will tumble down upon her. She is moving because of this...I know it. I feel it in my bones. But I don't know what to do about it.

For now, I'm keeping quiet about what I know. I'm going to let this play out and see what happens.

I'm feelig okay about it. I still love her...and where there was anger, I'm starting to feel some compassion. I know she has created this herself, therefore I can step back and not let it affect me. I'm proud of myself...I'm handling this very well, thank you very much.

I'd forgetten the true meaning of the saying, "what will be will be." And other such sayings. I need to STOP trying to control this and just let it be. Let it become whatever it is meant to become. Either way, I will be okay.

I am thankful for the peace I am feeling.

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