Goodbye MyExLove
2004-08-05, 8:35 a.m.

I feel like the end of a chapter in my life is about to happen. Tonight, after work, I'll meet with MyExLove to give her the last of her things. It amounts to a t.v. sized box, a huge suitcase, her military uniform, and a pair of coveralls from work. And therein sums up what has been the most emotional period of my life. I'll always be thankful to MyExLove for helping me to realize my true sexuality. She helped me to become the strong woman that I am today. She instilled in me a work ethic that was sorely lacking. She jump started my heart in a way that I never knew was possible. For all those things, I'll never hold ill will for her. I want only for her happiness.

It is time for me to let these things go, as well as her. I feel like by handing her back the last of our ties together, I am putting that part of my life to rest. With both good and painful memories. It is time for me to move on.

I'll never know why I feel such a strong love for her. I need to stop questioning that. In time, I hope those feelings settle into that warm feeling of fondness. I want to know where she is in a year, five years, ten years. But I don't want to "hang out." I couldn't do that. I thought that maybe I could, but I can't. Just knowing that I am going to see her today has me wound up, I can't continue to do that to myself.

Eagle doesn't understand how I can be so forgiving of all the lies and the nasty stuff she did. It's just my nature I guess, to forgive. I'd rather let it go then to hang on to negative feelings. That only brings me down.

I loved this person for over 17 years. I know that I will love her until I die. But I am at peace with the fact that she and I cannot be together, nor can we really even be friends.

I am happy. I've moved on. I am not holding a torch for her. I will always have a really special place in my heart for her. And if she ever needed something, I'd be there. But my life has gone on and I have let go of the dream I had for her and I, and am working on building my new dreams.

Thank you MyExLove for all that you awoke in me. I wish you only the best in life, love, and happiness. Goodbye.

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