hurting today
2003-08-08, 9:29 a.m.

Yep, I'm still alive....I stayed home last night for the first time. I spent awhile chatting online. I met a really nice woman who seems like she is everything I'm looking for. She's 35, intelligent, laid back, wants the romantic life with a partner and some kids, dog and house.

She let me talk about MyexLove a lot. I felt bad pouring it all out on this woman, but she listened. She sent me her pic and I'm intrigued. So we'll see where that goes.

MyexLove is coming over today. It'll be the first time we've seen each other since she flew out of the house in a rage on Monday. I'm scared. I'm afraid it's going to tear me apart, but I can't not see her either. I have to do this.

All week we talked and I thought that she was going to do the right thing. I thought that she was going to move out on her own and get therapy and fix herself and then make a decision about her future. But from what she has said today, she will be living with TheExformHell soon. I told her if she does that....that I will be gone to her forever. There will be no hope.

Do I mean it? Yeah, will I be able to stick to that? Not sure.

I'm sad today. But I'm going away to visit a friend this weekend and cry on her shoulder.

In other news...remember the crush? It seems she likes me more than I thought, and I was afraid of that. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to go down her path....I've been there before. I need to find my own path.

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