Eagle's Mood
2004-08-09, 8:41 a.m.

Well it's another Monday morning. It feels as if I didn't really get much relaxing done on the weekend. Although I did sleep in way too late both Saturday and Sunday. I hate it when I do that because it just makes the days seem so much shorter.

I did need the rest thought. This weekend was hard. Eagle went on birth control pills in an effort to help her horrible PMS symptoms. However, they seemed to have thrown her into a really bad mood cycle. She's been aggitated, irritable, and down right crabby since Thursday.

Everyday she apologizes, and then bites mine or someone else's head off, then apologizes, and repeats. It's as if she has zero patience for anything. She broke down crying a few times over the weekend saying she just hates feeling this way. She can't make even the simplest decisions, she doubts her abilities for everything, she doubts that anyone likes her, let alone loves her. I feel for her. I really do. I try to be there for her, but it's hard on me.

It's hard to know that the person you love doesn't MEAN to bite your head off for no reason. You know? And I think I did a damn good job of not tip toeing around all weekend either. If she said something mean, I confronted her. If she bit my head off for no reason, I confronted her. Everytime I did that, we'd argue for about 10 minutes, then go to seperate rooms, cool off and then she'd apologize.

Despite her moods, this wasn't a bad weekend. We watched some good movies, went grocery shopping, got some work done around the condo. It was quite productive.

I can deal with these mood swings because I know they won't last. Hell we've had a solid month of her being in a great mood before this. I have faith that her mood swings will calm down some after her body adjusts to the pill.

In the meantime, I'll hold my own, not let her get away with anything. And I'll love her through this. As I said to her last night after the umpteenth time she had apologized....if she had a disease that flared up and caused her not to be able to walk every now and then, we'd adjust. She has a disease and it affects her moods. We'll adjust. Just as long as my personal pschye does not begin to suffer, we'll do just fine.

In spite of it all, I'm still proud of her. She did not turn to alcohol, she continued to do the housework, she continued to be the responsible person she's becomming, instead of just going to bed and hybernating as she might have in the past.

It comes down to taking the good days with the bad and I can do that, as long as I see her continuing to try, which she is. And, my personal safety does not become questionable. Which it hasn't.

Other than all that, I'm doing good, but once again, I'm broke. I cannot wait until I no longer have my rent to worry about. That would make things so much easier financially. Soon.

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