keeping my hands and my lips to myself
2003-08-12, 8:17 a.m.

MyexLove is calling a lot. Yesterday she called from Utah in the morning, then Wyoming in the afternoon. Then we talked one more time before I went to bed. I asked her how she and TheExfromHell were getting along. She said okay. I told her I figured they'd either kill each other or be back in love by the time they get back. She said, well I doubt we'll be back in love. She said, we'll probably be acquaintences but not really friends. What does that mean??? And what does she want from me?

I'm not complaining though, it's nice to talk to her. I miss her terribly. But I've been going through some anger issues. I'm angry that she's taking a trip with her ex that I would have loved to take with her. I'm angry that she is spending her vacation with her ex. I'm angry that she has lied to me so much....and I'm not more angry than I am.

In other news, MyCrush told me yesterday that she is finding it difficult not to be affectionate with me when we are together. She wanted to know why I don't want to be affectionate. I told her that I do want to, I am very attracted to her, but I don't want to start something I don't know if I can finish. She asked me to explain. I told her that right now I'm not sure where MyexLove and I stand and there is a big possibility that someday she and I will get back together. But, even if we don't, MyCrush has some issues that I just DON'T want to deal with. I think she's a wonderful person. She's funny, sexy, street smart, compassionate, and just fun. But she has some other really big issues which I spelled out for her that would need to be changed before I could get into a relationship with her. By her own admission, ever woman that has moved in with her, has moved out two months later....and I guarantee there are some really good reasons why that happens.

Today I'm feeling peaceful still, I'm aching inside for some affection. And it's going to be hard not to seek it out from MyCrush. But we're supposed to get together and go bowling tonight. Just hoping I can keep my hands and my lips to myself!

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