Friday at last
2005-08-12, 8:38 a.m.

Well I'm flying solo at work today. My co-worker called in sick, so it's all me. Thankfully, we don't have a training presentation set for today, but I still have to answer the helpdesk phones. We had a deadline of today to get our newsletter out, but I'm not seeing that happen now.

So last night Eagle went from freaked out to calm, to freaked out, to sad, to freaked out, to sleep. It was a very emotional night and I'm tired. I am so glad it's Friday, I could cry. Literally. But it is Friday and only two more days to go and I'm out of Michigan for six days. I know it'll be hot in Texas, but it won't be like humid like it is here. And there won't be any drama.

Well I have to confess, I've had about 10 cigarettes over the past three days. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't help it. But I am still committed to quitting. I will stop all cigarettes by Sunday. I've vowed that to myself. I know it's lame, but fighting the urge to smoke was just one more thing to fight this week and I gave in.

Eagle is still grumbling about not wanting to go, and it not working anyway, and she'd be better off dead, and she's been nothing but problems to her family her whole life, and she's not a bad person, and on and on. I just listen. There's not much I can say. I did tell her that there are millions of people out there who have battled addiction and won. She can too. She has to believe in herself. She thinks her life will be all about cravings, no fun, no excitement, no laughter. She thinks that she can't be a fun and entertaining person without using, therefore her life will suck. I tried to tell her that I've seen her in clean and sober in brief glimpses and I LOVE that person, and everyone she knows LOVE'S that person. The only person who does't....is herself. She looked dubious, but I know that she's processing. I'm going to keep the faith, that's all I can do. I did, however, lay it on the line point blank for her last night. I told her that if she doesn't go to rehab, and doesn't stay the duration, and doesn't come out giving sobriety 100% effort, I will leave her. She was mad, but what else can I do? She has to understand my position. She has to know the consequences if she fails to give this her best effort.

Well I started this entry at 8:38 a.m. and it is now 9:22 a.m. because the phones have been nuts already. Let's hope for a quick day!

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