i was played
2003-08-16, 7:59 a.m.

Yeah, seems it took a blackout to show me the light. I'm an idiot. Don't say I'm not because I am. Everybody I knew told me MyexLove was playing me. Everybody. But nooooo I was convinced. I was sure that she loved me, somewhere deep inside her cold heart. But I know now that I was wrong.

During the blackout, I was alone at home. MyexLove called, back from her trip with TheExfromHEll. She was at her mother's a few miles away. I asked her to come over because I was scared and alone. She said no. She said her family needed her to stay there. I said that was bullshit. She came over.

She got there and told me that she and TheExFromHEll are getting ready to shack up and make a go of it. She wanted to be my friend. That's all. This past week on the phone she was just being nice to me so that she could tell me all of this in person. Whatever.

Then I finally got to meet TheExFromHell in person as she walked down my driveway. I was dumbfounded that MyexLove could be that cold, could be that callous. It was then that I realized, she never loved me at all. She may have tried to love me, but at that moment she hated me. She had to have to do something that hurtful.

I told TheExFromHell what I always rehearsed I'd say. I told her not to worry because I'd let MyexLove go. I won't hound her like TheExfromHEll did. I told her that she never could let MyexLove be happy. She said that was bullshit, I said it wasn't because I saw the look in her eyes when she made love to me. MyexLove then yelled at me not to disrespect TheExFromHell. I said fuck you, the both of you disrespected me for 10 months. And at that moment, I wanted to punch her in the fucking face. Instead, I shoved her into the side of the garage and told her I never wanted to see her again.

She left.

I've now spent this blackout with someone who has truly been wonderful to me. Yet, I can't feel the love for her that I know she is starting to feel for me because my heart is in about a million pieces amd it feels like it will never be put back together again.

So yes everyone I was played, played like a big stupid fiddle.

Lesson learned.

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