permenantly damaged
2003-08-18, 9:15 a.m.

I'm back to work after what seems like the longest four days ever. I've done a lot of crying, a lot of laughing, a lot of talking, and some healing.

I've been held, cuddled, kissed, massaged, loved, and made to feel like I'm the most precious thing in the world. Just what I always asked for.

But I'm scared. I'm holding her at arms length. I don't want to get hurt. I don't know if I could survive another heartbreak like this one. At least not now.

MyexLove really did a number on me. I never thought I could be so untrusting....but now I can't see a day when I won't be. She played every good quality I had to her own advantage...what makes me think someone else won't do the same damn thing?

I feel like I've lost my one chance at true love. I'm pretty sure that's bullshit, but that's just how I feel.

Eagle(formerly known as MyCrush), has been truly wonderful to me. She held me and let me cry all weekend, she didn't try to take advantage of me. She told me she doesn't want to be my rebound, but she also told me that she's in love with me.

Love...what is that? Right now it's a foreign concept to me. Right now love just hurts, thinking of it brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.

Please somebody help me and tell me I'll love again? Cause right now, it feels like my heart has been permenantly damaged.

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