Mini-Vacation and mom
2004-08-16, 8:39 a.m.

Well here I am, back at work. I had a nice little mini-vacation. I saw the Alanis Morrisette/Bare Naked Ladies concert on Thursday with Eagle, Eagle's best friend and her GF. It was nice, kinda chilly, but good.

I went to visit my grandparents, my only surviving relatives except for my deadbeat dad and my stuck up snob of an uncle. These are my mother's parents, and it is so heartbreaking to watch their decline. I feel very much alone when I think about losing them. I'm not really sure how long they will be able to stay in the assisted living apartment they are in because they seem to need more care than this place gives. But they don't want to go to a nursing home, and I don't want them to either. I've dealt with nursing homes far too much and I the longer they can live where they are, the better.

Eagle was a great support to me when we visited them, and Eagle's mom has offered to go with me next time we visit so she can make some suggestions on how we can better help them where they are.

After the visit with the grandparents, I was sad and crying. And I was thinking to myself, they tell you that when loved ones pass on, they are always there for you when you need them. But I felt so alone and lost. I longed for my mom. I screamed inside my head, "mom where are you? I need you." And then the greatest thing happened....I heard her. I heard her say, "don't be nice to me right now." And that was something that she and I used to say to each other when one was upset or crying. Because if you're upset and then someone is really nice to you, it just makes you cry harder. So my mom and I used to say that to each other. "Don't be nice to me right now." And I got this overwhelming relief and peace. I heard her. I realized that, yes, she is there when I need her.

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