a bit of rambling
2004-08-17, 8:30 a.m.

It's starting off to be a pretty damn good day. Woke up, had coffee with my GF, got ready and headed to work.

Last night Eagle and I had a really emotional, in a good way, evening. We spoke of our feelings for each other which seem to be growing daily. We have taken to saying, "Everyday" to each other which translates into...."everyday my love grows stronger; everyday you show me the wonderful person you are; everyday I'm more proud of you; etc...."

This is the first relationship I've had that our communication is so open and so honest. We got into a bit of a tiff earlier in the evening. Eagle feels that I should be making getting a divorce from the ex-husband a priority. It's not that it's not a priority...its just that there have been so many other uses of the money it would cost. Not to mention the health insurance that I promised him he could keep for awhile. However, he has yet to make and keep an appointment anyway. So I promised her I would call him and give him a deadline. If he doesn't use the health insurance soon, then I'm going to go ahead and file for divorce.

I spoke to my dad yesterday for his birthday. It is finally starting to hit me that he is a completely self-centered person. He never asks about me or my life. When I call him, because he never calls me, from the moment the call starts he's yaking away about himself and his life and I barely even get a word in edgewise. Eagle was listening to my end of the conversation and when I got off the phone she said, "And how are you daughter?" It upsets her because she knows how much I long for a relationship with him. I love her for that. She hugged me and held me and promised that she'd always be there for me. As well as her family. And in fact...her mom is going with us to visit my grandparents tomorrow evening. Ah...the meeting of the families. I wonder just what grandma will make of that. She knows that Eagle is a female; although I think she may forget at times. And grandpa, I'm pretty sure things Eagle is a guy. I've heard him refer to her as him....but that's okay. Eagle's okay with it and let's just not try and explain that one to him.

I haven't had much problem with missing MyexLove lately. I guess it is true that time does start to heal those wounds. Every now and then I get the urge to hear her voice or even see her, but then I remember the last time I saw her and how akward and unfriendly that was and I'm cured.

Eagle and I have started a paper journal together. We take turns writing our thoughts about our life together. It's pretty cool actually. And the nice thing is, years down the road we'll have these record thoughts and feelings to look back and remember on.

This relationship really is a good one. I realize this everyday. Eagle still has some issues that will probably take work for the rest of her life, but she really wants to do the work. And not for me, but for her. Sometimes she says stuff that I thought she'd never say. She gets it. She really does get it. Thank God!

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