take that leap
2003-08-21, 8:53 a.m.

I'm feeling better today. Still feeling anxious. Mostly because of Eagle. She needs so much, but yet she doesn't. She tells me one minute she understands where I'm at, and the next she's crying the blues. I don't want to hurt her. I don't even want to give her up. But I don't have the time or the energy right now that she seems to require.

MyexLove and I have come to an agreement of sorts. She is going to give me space to do what I need to do and she is going to use that time to work on herself. Do I believe this? Not fully. But it doesn't matter if I believe it or not anymore. If she does it, then great...good for her. If she doesn't it won't affect me in the long run because I won't give her the chance to hurt me again.

My therapist says I'm doing great. It's amazing how it takes someone else to tell you that before you actually believe it. I could be doing worse, so I'm thankful that I'm not.

I realized today that there is a whole world out there waiting to be discovered. And I don't need anyone's permission to do it. It really is a good feeling....albeit lonely sometimes.

I feel like I'm on the verge of something great though. I just need to let go of the familiar and take that leap.

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