a busy and intriguing weekend
2003-08-25, 10:59 a.m.

Has it really been three days since I updated?

What have I been up to? A lot. In fact I need some rest!

Friday, I went and picked up my shiny new car! Two of my co-workers then took me out to celebrate. We went to this crazy restauarant with a Hawaiian theme. They even had hula dancers...it was great fun.

Around 11:00 MyexLove called and said she was getting off work early and could she come by and see me. So I said yes. Turns out she didn't get there till 4:00 a.m. though. We talked. Then we made love. Then I said good bye to her, rolled over and fell back to sleep.

Amazingly, making love to her didn't hurt, nor did it break down my resolve to make her prove herself to me. The only thing it really did do, is reaffirm how much I do love her and how much I do know she loves me. And it makes me feel kind of guilty because I had just told Eagle that I wasn't going to be having sex with anyone until I got back into a committed relationship....well actually what I had said was that I wasn't going to have sex with anyone without love...so technically....yeah I know I'm stretching it.

Saturday though Eagle and I spent the day together, but I dropped her off at home that evening and went home to bed. MyexLove called me again and we talked again.

Sunday I went to church then had dinner with my ex-husband and two of our dearest friends. It was kind of weird, but we made it through it. I have hope that we can be friends.

Okay so yeah I slept with MyexLove...and it's not that big of a deal. Even if she was just using me for sex at that moment...I don't care, because part of me was using her for the same thing.

Anyway....she then sent me this email.

"Dear Seekingme:

I am Sitting here Trying to think of the reasons why I hurt you, and there was no reason to hurt you.

I always believed that I did not deserve someone to love me the way you did and hopefully do, to be honest with you I know that I have hurt my one true love and that is eating away at me.

When we kissed I felt so much love for you, and I have never felt that for anyone before, and it does scare the shit out of me. I know in my heart and mind that I have to fight to get you back in my life forever, because you are the person that makes me complete, you are the person I love.

Everytime I think of you, I smile....... I can't get you off my mind.

Just to give some insight on me, I was the kind of person who would love so completely, and I kept getting hurt, and every time I got hurt my heart would get colder and colder, until I got with TheExfromHell, and she made my heart freeze. Seekingme your love was melting all that away and I just did not know how someone could love me so much. I was always waiting for you to tell me that you did not love me anymore, Just Like everyone else did, but you did'nt.

That night we made love, I looked into yours eyes and I saw how happy you really do make me.

How happy I am when I am making the woman I love feel so good, I want to get that back again. I want to make you laugh again, to make your heart melt, to just make you happy again. I will never give up on my love for you, and I will fight to get you back so we can start our dream together.

Well I have to go, Hope this gives you a better understanding.

Please Have a Great day, and remember I will be thinking of you.

YourExLove

So yeah...its the most open thing she's ever sent me. She is opening up more and more every time I talk to her. But yes, I'm still skeptical...I'm still guarded...that won't change for awhile.

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