perspective
2005-08-31, 9:13 a.m.

Okay so things at home are still up in the air. Eagle decided she was sick of feeling groggy and went out and bought ephedra yesterday and today. I told her that was no acceptable. If she is going to choose to take those pills, she will be choosing them over us. I'm not playing. She agreed again to not take them, but I don't hold a whole lot of hope for that. The only thing I can do is just keep her from getting access to my bank account. If she gets money from somewhere else, and buys more, that's on her. But I'm not paying for them.

I was so mad though because we went through days and days of her withdrawals off of those pills. Days where she did nothing but sit or lay on the couch, I waited on her, I helped her through it all, and then when she's finally clean...she runs out and gets more. Her rationalization was that she can't function normally without them. I told her that's stinking thinking and she knows it. Ugh!

On the bright side though, she has not had any pot, alcohol, xanax, or ambien in over three weeks. For that I am proud of her.

I'm doing okay. I've been feeling very proud of myself at work lately. I feel like I've finally arrived professionally and I wish so much that my mom could be here to see it. She would be so proud of me. I'm lacking that parental feedback right now and it sucks. If I think about it too much I break down in tears. It's just not fair that she can't be here to witness her daughter's success. And more selfishly, it's not fair that she can't give me the kudos that I crave.

I've been watching the news about Louisanna and Hurricane Katrina. I can't even begin to imagine what those people are going through. I mean what do you do? I was talking to Eagle about it this morning. What would we do if our city was underwater? Where would we go? How would we rebuild? It's unfathomable. My heart goes out to those people so much.

So with all that happening in the world, I can't dwell too long on my lack of parental units. I haven't heard a peep from my dad as usual...he may as well be dead too. But again, I can't dwell on it, when so many people are suffering so much worse. It does put things into perspective.

My heart and prayers go out to everyone suffering from Hurricane Katrina.

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