the flu
2003-09-11, 3:48 p.m.

I'm alive...barely. I've got the stomach flu.

I've also been very down. I got a BIG wake up call on Tuesday. I went to pick up Eagle for bowling and she was drunk. I had been starting to feel like I was falling in love with her...but I wasn't. How do I know? Because seeing her drunk repulsed me. I'm not against drinking or getting drunk, but for someone who is an alcoholic I am. I had told her that I would not tolerate her drinking and I won't. I also figure that for the those "love" feelings to fly out the window so quickly it must mean that they weren't real to begin with.

I also realized that I'm still in love with MyLove. She came over yesterday and we had a GREAT evening. We talked, we cried, we cuddled and all those feelings for her are still there.

Somehow I think I transferred those feelings from her to Eagle and now I realize it.

I'm still not making any decisions. I'm still playing the field and dating, but I realize that I have to back up from Eagle. She is on a road that I do not want to go down.

So I'm sick and I'm disillusioned and confused...but doing okay otherwise.

Hopefully I'll be back to work tomorrow.

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