rambling on
2003-09-15, 8:57 a.m.

I'm feeling pretty good today. Not so much confused anymore. But hell I'm not positive that won't change.

Right now I'm totally in love with MyexLove. I am hearing her say all the things that I've wanted her to say, feeling all the things I wanted to feel...and I'm enjoying it. Yes, I'm scared, who wouldn't be? But sometimes you have to take risks for what you want.

Saturday we laid on my bed after having made love and I was naked from the waist down and she looked at me like she had never looked at me before. I felt the love she has for me. She told me how beautiful I am, how much she loves my body, and she caressed my legs....and it was real. I know it was real.

Sunday I spent the day with Eagle and I had a great time. But I don't feel the desire to sleep with her anymore. I don't feel the desire to be affectionate with her anymore. I really do believe now that I transferred the feelings I had for MyexLove on to her and I was afraid I'd do that.

I'm still not making any decisions now though. I still refuse to commit to MyexLove until TheexFromHell has moved out of her apartment. Speaking of TheExFromHell, she managed to piss MyexLove off royally by getting drunk, leaving her daughter at home alone, and driving MyexLove's prized possession around town. MyexLove was not impressed and told her so, and apparently was told..."it don't matter cause you were out with your bitch!" So I'm guessing TheExFromHell is starting to realize that MyexLove really does want me back, and not her.

According to MyexLove they have not had sex, and they do not sleep in the same bedroom. She feels that she can't kick her out with her daughter until she gets a job and some money, which I can understand.....but it doesn't mean it doesn't suck.

But that's okay because the longer it takes, the more I will be strong and the stronger I am the better.

Okay, I'm done rambling on and on now.

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