Friday is a happy day
2004-09-17, 8:31 a.m.

Oh thank God it's Friday. Just knowing that it is Friday has got me in an awesome mood. Now, let's just keep this mood, and all will be well.

I am very tired however, I was up till nearly 2:00 a.m. Eagle and I had "planned" to have some bedroom fun last night. I swear whenever we plan it, it never goes the way it is supposed to. But, after a few stops and starts, mission was eventually accomplished....and accomplished well I might add. However, I ended up with less then five hours of sleep.

So yesterday afternoon I went and spoke with my boss's boss. He didn't say much. Literally. But what he did say was basically, "I'll talk to her about this, and you may not see any overt signs that something is being done, but we will deal with it." Whatever that means. Sounds like she might get a "talking to" but that's about it. What more did I really expect? But I was glad that I spoke up. It needed to be done.

So yesterday afternoon, after talking to MyEx, I was very flustered and confused. I started to get that old feeling of wanting to drop everything and just "be with her." But I wisely kept it in check. I repeated to myself, all the reasons why we would not work out. Then when I saw Eagle when I got home, I knew that I could not leave her, nor do I want to. I love Eagle very much. She has problems and challenges, but we have something that I've searched so long for. I won't throw that away. It may never be the intense heart pounding love that I had for MyEx, but it's something that is warm and comfortable, secure and stable (imagine that!), and worth cherishing.

So Eagle and I watched a show she taped last night called "The Secret Life of Swingers." As I've mentioned before, my previous life as a swinger has bothered Eagle greatly. She has had many issues with it and we've had many heated arguments about it. But lately, she seems to have mellowed. We've talked and talked and talked about it. I've been open and honest about it and we've cleared a lot of air. So we watched the documentary...and it was pretty accurate. I think that it helped her to "see" what it's about. To see that it's not about hurting people, it's about consenting adults having adult fun. It's not for everybody, and not everybody is going to agree with it, but I think she has suspended her judgment a bit more. This is a good sign.

She has grown up so much, just in the past few months. It amazes me sometimes. She tells me stories of all the things her parents tried to do to "fix" her all her life and none of it worked...not even for a small amount of time. Then I come into her life and suddenly she's doing better and better. I wonder sometimes what her parents must think. And sometimes the reality of that hits me and I get this dangerous feeling of power. I quickly have to talk myself down from that. The LAST thing I need to do is take credit for "curing" her. That's foolish and incorrect. I may be doing my part to lead by example, but its her doing the work. It's God doing his work. But I cannot get into that mentality that I have the power to fix people because if she relapses, or stops trying, or whatever....I'd have to live with the feeling of failure that would settle over me. That would not be good. So, I think I'm handling this well. I'm keeping a good perspective, lending my support, but not being overwhelmed....well at least not a lot.

Guess I'd better get to doing some work. Tonight is my bowling league night, I'm looking forward to it. Wish me luck!

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