risking my heart
2003-09-20, 5:45 p.m.

Yesterday I had the greatest day with MyLove. And yes, she is no longer MyexLove because I do love her. We're still not a couple per se, but I'm starting to regain a lot of trust. I'm still being careful though. But she understands and she's been helping me so much. She is so much more open with me then she ever was, and I'm more open with her too.

We're getting to know each other on a level that we never experienced before and I am so thankful for that. Even if she and I do not work out in the long run, I am thankful that we're having the chance to get to know each other in this way.

We spent all day yesterday talking, making love, crying, laughing, and just being in love. I know that I'm taking a big risk in giving her this chance, but it just FEELS right. I look into her eyes and I see the love that she has, I feel it. Hell, she even gave me a foot rub yesterday! That just amazed me because she never would have done that before. That's just one example of the things she is doing and saying that is making such an impression on me.

She told me that TheExfromHell and her have had many talks about us. She says that she told her that she doesn't want a life with her, she wants it with me. I can only hope that is true. I think that it is though. I really do.

Tonight I'm actually picking MyLove up at her place to go out dancing. I mean if she was really trying to hide her relationship with me, then she wouldn't let me come to her place.

I do feel bad that TheExfromHell will be hurt, but not that bad. I man it's her own damn fault. MyLove told her not to move back for her. Every time she tried to let her go over the past year TheexFromHell would find a way to make MyLove feel obligated to her....or at least that is what she has told me...and I don't have a reason to not believe that.

At any rate, breaking up is hard period. Someone will always be hurt and there's no way around that.

I want the life I can see in MyLove's eyes and I'm sorry if people can't see that...but it's my life and my heart to risk. And this time around I'm smarter, I'm more independent, and therefore, I'll be able to handle the hurt if it comes down to that.

At this point I don't think that it will. Right now I'm believing that it can actually end happily ever after.

last - next