Wedding ponderings
2006-09-21, 9:55 a.m.

Have I mentioned that I'm filing for divorce very soon? Now I know that I want to be divorced from my ex, but I feel GUILTY about it. Why is that? We've been seperated going on five years now and filing for divorce is long overdue. But I feel guilty for it. I don't get it.

So, when I draw up the do it yourself divorce papers I'm going to include a paragraph that will decree that my last name be changed from my ex's last name, to Eagle's last name. This is not to say that I don't have any hesitations in doing this. I'm worried mostly about the hassle of changing my name for one. But I really don't think it would be right to leave it the same as my ex's and I DON'T want to go back to my maiden name. Plus, I do love Eagle and I want to take her name, I do. But it's just going to be a pain in the arse. Also, I want some kind of CEREMONY for it. But we're in no financial position to pay for a wedding, plus neither of us really wants the all out wedding thing. We'd like to have a small gathering of friends and family maybe 20 or 30 tops. But when? I don't know the whole thing just stresses me out because there's the guilt about the divorce, and the hassles that will surround my name change. Finally...what do I tell people at work? I'm not really out at work. Though some people know, and maybe even more people know due to the grapevine, but how do I just suddenly change my name at work without some kind of explanation? Do I owe people one? See? It's just so muddled that I hate it. I hate anything muddled.

So that's my current ponderings. I must say though after seeing the absolutely beautiful wedding of Jenn and Nicole it's got me craving something just as beautiful.

Maybe a candle lite ceremony at Eagle's parents house, in front of their lit fireplace? It's got potential. But I just know that I want some kind of ceremony to go with the changing of my name to hers...it's only right.

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