I do love her so
2003-09-24, 8:46 a.m.

Is it really only Wednesday? It feels like a Friday and I'm so broke right now it isn't even funny.

I bowled for shit last night....a 115, 83, and 94....I don't what's wrong with me. I'm a better bowler than that.

So I think Eagle is pissed right off at me now. That's okay though. I kind of expected it. She'll either come around or not...not a big deal to me right now.

MyLove is still making me feel completely loved and adored and I am so thankful for that. She really is showing me the kind of love that I always craved from her...I knew she had it in her.

I still get scared now and then that she'll freak out and grab a hold of TheExFromHell again, but I can't let that fear rule my life. If she does do that...well it'll be her loss because that will be the LAST time.

I really don't have that overwhelming fear anymore though...which is good. It allows me to be myself around MyLove and say and do what I feel and not worry that it'll push her away. I never really realized how much I did that before because I always knew that she had TheExFromHell waiting in the wings for her. That knowledge caused me to adjust myself so that I would push her towards her....but that's not the way to live.

So now, I'm happy...I feel carefree and in love and if it doesn't work out, I'll be okay because I've come to realize I'm a pretty good and well rounded person and I'll find someone else. I may never love someone like I love MyLove, but I would love again if I had to.

But right now, I'm enjoying the love that MyLove is giving me and cherishing every moment we can spend together.

I do love her so.

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