happy and not apologizing
2003-09-30, 9:23 a.m.

Just got off the phone with the ex-husband. He's sounding rather down today. He has been sounding down a lot lately.

Today he told me that he thinks that he deserved the chance to talk to me about my decision to leave him before I left. I told him that I disagreed.

I told him that I forgave him for A LOT of crap over the years and he knows it. And each time I let him talk me out of leaving him, but this time I did not want him to talk me out of it.

I told him that this decision was for me. It was really the only selfish decision I had ever made during our relationship and that I don't regret making it.

I told him that for the first time in my life, I feel free and happy and at peace with myself. I've discovered the joy of being with the sex that I am truly attracted to and what an awesome feeling that is. I finally feel like I'm being true to myself.

I did tell him that I was sorry for hurting him. I never wanted to hurt him. I think that he was hoping that when MyLove and I broke up for awhile that I'd reconsider my decision. But I didn't and I won't. And he needs to realize that so that he can move on too.

It pisses me off actually that I have to worry about his feelings anymore. Did he worry about my feelings when he slept with my best friend? When he slept with my cousin? When he took all my loving and did not return it? When he refused to rub my feet, my back, even go down on me?

Yeah he's hurting because he lost a good thing, cause yes I am a good thing. But even the most loving, patient, kind, person in the world would eventually give up on that situation. Especially when they found what truly makes them happy....and dammit I refused to be made to feel guilty for that.

So fuck that. If he wants to be my friend, great, if not...that's a shame...but I can't change it.

I'm happy and I'm not apologizing for it.

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