jealousy
2003-10-01, 8:43 a.m.

Wow, I can hardly believe it's October already. And it's already so damn cold!

Yesterday MyLove and I had our first fight and it went well. What was it about? Well basically it was about her fears and insecurities about Eagle. She knew that I was going to Eagle's to cut her hair before bowling and then bowl with her.

Mylove can be a very jealous person. But I wasn't having it. I told her that she CANNOT dictate who I spend time with. She is going to have to trust me because I've never done anything to give her reason not to trust me.

She is afraid that I'm hanging onto Eagle for a safety net in case MyLove and I don't work out. I told her that I am not doing that, and that just because she made that choice with TheExFromHell for 10 months, does not mean I will make the same mistake.

Basically I'm not sure that I really want a friendship with Eagle anymore, but what I DON'T want is for MyLove to tell me that I can't be friends with her. And that's what I told her.

Yeah we argued, but I didn't freak out. She didn't freak out and we discussed it like reasonable adults and came to an understanding on the issue.

It felt good. It felt right. Everyday this relationship is evolving into what I'd always hoped it would become. And everyday I am realizing that she's not changing her mind. She's not running. I'm not caving into fears of losing her. I'm realizing that we can actually disagree about things and still be in love. It is such a freeing experience!

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm in a healthy relationship. One where we can both express our feelings whether they are good or bad, and feel confident that the other one won't run from it.

Underneath it all, I am a stronger more confident woman than I was before. And that makes all the difference, because I KNOW that if MyLove and I do not work out, I'll still be okay. I mean I really KNOW that this time. And that is a comforting feeling. It's that knowledge though that will only help to build our relationship stronger everyday.

last - next