enjoying my peaceful happiness
2004-09-30, 8:39 a.m.

Dear God make it be Friday already! Ugh. It was soooo hard to drag my ass out of bed this morning. So freakin hard I don't know how I did it. And I don't know how I'll do it tomorrow.

Last night Eagle picked me up from work. We're still down to one car. So I went with her to her clients. The two ladies that she visits on Wednesday are so sweet. I've met them before. Anyway, we took them to the store, and we talked with them, and they are just so nice. Other than their speach patterns, and some movements, it would be hard to tell that they are mentally disabled actually. They are both in their 50's and one of them has cancer. Eagle and I want to take them to church with us on Sunday, but her boss said it's against policy to fraternize outside of work with the clients. We're trying to work around that somehow.

Anyway, as we were with these two ladies last night, I just thought how remarkable it is that Eagle can do this for them. And hell, how remarkable it is that I can. I never thought that I'd have the kind of patience it takes, but I do. Eagle was having a really bad day up to that point. She was having strong alcohol cravings, had gotten stuck in traffic for two hours, and her patience was thin. Yet the minute she got in the presence of these to gentle souls she was calm and peaceful. Not a trace of her prior frustrations.

After we left the ladies, Eagle said that doing this kind of works really helps put her life into perspective. It also helps to ease a lot of the guilt she has over the crappy shit she did when she was drinking. I am so proud of her for this. So very proud. And, on top of it, even though she was crabby as hell when she eventually got downtown to pick me up. She did not take it out on me, and I told her that I appreciated that.

Last night as we do every night, we cuddle just before I roll over to sleep. But we tell each other all the things about the other that we love and that makes us happy and proud. I think that's a wonderful concept in a relationship. Spending the last few minutes of the day telling each other something nice.

I'm feeling better today than I have in a long time. My time of the month has FINALLY ended after nearly three weeks. I messed up and forgot to take my medication last month so it really screwed me up. Our money situation seems to be falling into place pretty well. Eagle has been sober for more than four months and has actually started to really apply herself to her work. Things are good. It is days and times like these that allow me to get through the rough patches. Let's just hope there's nothing too rough in the near future. I'd like to enjoy this peaceful happiness for awhile.

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