still feeling like a heel
2003-10-03, 9:57 a.m.

I still feel like a big heel today. The fact that Eagle has not called, emailed, IM'd, etc....actually makes me feel even worse. At least if she was violating my wishes by contacting me over and over I could get pissed off. Instead I just wonder if she is okay. I realize completely that if she decides to start drinking, or does anything else foolish that it's not my fault. I KNOW that, but I still can't help feeling responsible. There's that overactive super ego again!

Mylove has been great about it. She talked to me last night. She reassured me that I'm not a bad person. She reiterated all the reasons that this needed to be done and I am greatful to her for that. She really is a very compassionate person.

I haven't spoke much about MyLove's job, but let me say that she is in a supervisory position, over mostly men, in a very dangerous industry. Lately she seems les and less like risking her neck just by going to work. I think the only reason she stays in this job is for the money. And the money is a big deal cause she makes a lot. But is it worth her stress levels being so high all the time? Is it worth the chance that she might get hurt or even killed someday? I personally don't think that it is...but that's got to be her choice. However, more and more lately she has expressed to me her desire to leave the job. So this weekend I'm going to see if we can't do some job hunting for her...see if there is anything else out there that she is qualified for that she might like better.

Whatever her decision, I will support it. But sometimes I get so worried about her at work, not to mention her stress levels are not healthy. I hope that she can find something else, but I'm not absolutely positive that she'd give this job up. Guess we'll just have to see.

Well Eagle just IM'd me to say that she was up puking all night long. Guess that's my fault huh? Oh well, at least I know she's alive.

last - next