and in this corner....
2004-10-05, 8:57 a.m.

Can you say fight? I mean knock down drag out fight? Yes that is what Eagle and I had last night. Why? Well it comes down to the fact that she still makes bad and immature decisions and then when I call her on it she gets indignant, or cries, or says I'm being mean, whatever. She does anything and everything to dodge taking responsibility for her actions. And I had enough of it. I told her that she can bawl all she wants, I'm not going to baby her. She needed to get her ass up to her work and do what they were requesting of her before she gets fired. Period. I told her I know she has a broken toe, but too fucking bad. Everyone has to suffer sometimes. It won't kill her. She looked at me as if I was the cruelest person on earth. But fuck that. I will not sit by and baby her like everyone else in the world has done. It does her no good. She NEEDS to step up and act like the adult that she is.

Of course the angerier I got the more that has been bothering me came out, and for that I am sorry. But it needed to be said. She has told some very blatant lies to me lately and I'm tired of it. One lie made me look like a fool in front of our friends and I was anger about that. Then come to find out that Friday she lied to me about not having to work. She did have to work but she skipped out to stay home and party with our roommates while I went to bowling. I told her that if she had just gone to work like she was supposed to, none of this would have happened, including the broken toe.

Then finally after we'd calmed down and we tried to fall asleep....things were tense. She had the nerve to ask me to roll over and hold her! I said no. I told her she needed to roll over and hold me and apologize to me. But she didn't. Eventually we both fell asleep.

This morning I was still mad when I woke up. I was determined that I would not speak to her until she apologized and took responsibility for her actions. But as I was getting ready for work, the tears started to come, so I went back upstairs, realizing that I did not need to be childish. I hugged her, she hugged me, we kissed and made up. But I told her that we need to talk about somethings. She needs to start taking more responsibility. I left it at that. I gave her another hug and kiss and then went to work.

I'm glad that I did that. I would hate to be sitting here angry at her. I hate feeling anger. I love her very much, but I won't take the shit that she tries to give out. I won't let her get away with the things that everyone else in her life has. And it'll come down to whether she has it in her to try harder, or not. And whether I have the patience to be strong, or not.

On top of that lovely evening, this morning my bus was late, then we got stopped for a train, so I had to run to work once I got downtown, and I ran in and was four minutes late. I explained what happened to the boss and miraculously she was okay with it and even told me to go get my coffee. What the fuck? I'm not complaining though. She must have taken her nice pill this morning.

Well I'd better get to work. I sure hope today gets better.

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