I will survive
2003-10-14, 9:26 a.m.

Well I had yesterday off for Columbus Day, but I did nothing productive with it at all. I had the house to myself for a change and ended up singing karaoke at the top of my lungs for four hours. I am such a geek.

Anyway, this weekend MyLove and I had some really great talks. I told her that it is getting harder and harder for me to stay supportive of her living situation. It drives me insane and when I try to talk to her about it I need her to comfort me, not get defensive. She explained that the reason she gets defensive is because she feels like shit because its her fault that this situation exists at all. But promised she would try to talk me down from my jealous rants as opposed to getting angry in the future.

She explained that she wants to stay where she is until TheExFromHell pays her what she owes her. She also is questioning whether or not moving into the house with me and my roommates is a good idea. I see her point because she is not used to living with people and she is not that easy to live with herself. So I can totally see how her moving in with me and the roommates could harm our growth.

So, what have we decided? At this point we are playing it by ear. She is going to try and help me to deal with her living with TheExFromHell by reassuring me that she loves only me and that by living with her she sees that she is STILL not what she wants. That she wants a life and a family with me and we will have that soon.

And frankly I need to get over this. I mean the fact is I allowed myself to get back into this relationship knowing the situation. I need to be stronger. I need to continue on my path of growth and independence. I've rid myself of the one person who was trying to pull me into their life and now its time to get back on the path. I have to remember that I'm a damn good catch and that I'm worthy of love and that if MyLove chooses not to be with me in the end...it's her loss. And I will survive.

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