no matter what
2004-10-26, 8:41 a.m.

They are filming a movie in front of the building I work in. It's a pain in the ass, but it's also kind of cool. I can actually look out my window right down on to the sets they are building. The movie is called The Island. It stars Ewan McGregor and seems like a pretty cool movie. I look forward to going to see it and see all the familiar sites.

I'm doing pretty good today. Still stressing about money, but that's nothing new. I got an email from MyEx. Its the first one I've gotten from her in six months. It was brief, but the weirdest part is, as I was logging into my email this morning, she popped into my mind before I even saw that I got an email from her. Very strange.

Eagle is planning a party for me for my birthday. I guess it was supposed to be a surprise, but she can't keep a secret that well. So I know there is a party, but I don't know any details, not even a date or time. It's cool though. My past two birthdays were crap. My 33rd birthday was the day that MyEx chose to tell me that she needed to go visit her ex for closure. My 34th birthday was not too bad, MyEx got me shit faced drunk, but that's it. I didn't even get a card from her.

Now, I've got this person in my life who is going through all kinds of stuff to throw me a party. I feel ungreatful at times. But then other times I feel like she SHOULD do that for me, for all that I do for her.

My minds a bit jumbled this morning. Everytime I think that I've finally put MyEx out of my mind and heart, something happens to make me pause. I just have to keep telling myself that everything is going to be alright. I might not know what is in store for the rest of my life, but I trust that it will be okay. No matter what.

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