I need some hugs and kisses
2003-10-30, 9:31 a.m.

Oh my God this week is dragging...I need to get to bed earlier too. I never used to have a problem falling asleep, but now I don't know I just can't seem to get myself to go to bed. It's like I'll be missing something if I go to bed....I don't know.

I've been feeling down this week, and I'm not really sure why. I think part of it is PMS, but the rest I don't know.

I know the situation with MyLove has me down, it always has me down. And the fact that during her previous four off days I saw her a grand total of once for about 45 minutes. It makes me wonder what she's doing with all that time off, if she's not spending it with me. And when I brought it to her attention she, as always, explained it away and expects me to just be okay with it. Oh and hell maybe I am okay with it I don't know. I just know that I'm craving affection and love lately.

I'm also feeling strange. I admit that I met some really great friends over the past few months and that I have always maintained that I want to be JUST friends with them and they have respected that totally....which is a problem. It's not that I want them to disrespect my wishes, nor do I want them to ruin our friendship by trying to hit on me....but I'm starting to feel rejected. I know it's my own fucked up insecurities...I know that. But it would be nice to at least feel like these women would want me if they could have me...does that make any sense at all?

Oh I just need to get over myself already! I need to figure out why I need hugs and kisses so badly!

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