here it is in all its glory
2005-10-31, 8:50 a.m.

Okay so there's an update on the ex. I told you that she's been telling me she's changed, and I've told her that I don't believe her. The last time we spoke she layed it on thick and turned me right off. Now, she sends me the following email and turned me right back on again. Ugh!

Here it is. I figure since this is locked it'd be okay post it. I want other's opinions on it.

Hey SeekingMe,

I want to start by saying I am sorry about putting pressure on you, you are in a relationship now and I don't want to be like other people and interfere with it, I find that very disrespectful and I would and did not like it when it happened to me.

You are right I can talk a good game and I never follow through, I really never knew why that was until I sat down and went over things in my life, I did not ever have a clue on how to love another person, I have been hurt before and I was so tired of being hurt that I went with someone who could not hurt me, because I did not love them.

My life is different now, I learned that love is really give and take. I can't believe I was so stupid not to know that.

This Morning I learned alot about myself, I went to Motor city Casino with the night shift from work, we played black jack and I meant this woman. We started talking and after we finished playing cards we went to the bar to have some drinks and just talked about everything, I can't believe I poured my heart to a complete stranger but it felt good to get everything off my chest.

She asked me if I know how to laugh, because when see looks at me she can tell I don't know how to just laugh at things, I told her she was right I really did not know how to laugh everything is so serious for me that I forget to have fun and laugh. Then she said that I do have a nice smile and I sound good when I laugh and to keep doing it because that will always make you feel better.

She asked what I want from life, and I told her that I want someone to love, hold, support and share everything with. She asked if I ever had that and I said yes with you and I blew it because I would of rather been with someone who could'nt hurt me then with someone who could.
I told her that I was trying to get you back and that you don't believe anything I say and that is why you will never come back to me, it was funny because she said if you love someone let them go and if they love you they will return, and she asked if you want to return and I said no you don't want to return to me. Then she said that it was never meant to be then and that maybe you both loved the dream of being together and not really each other. Alot of people love the idea of love more than they love the person.

Seekingme: I know that you still love me but I also know that your fear of this relationship will prevent you from ever giving another chance again and I do understand and I have to accept that now.
I miss you alot, I miss you watching your favorite TV shows, I miss your laugh, smile and your sexy eyes when you would look at me. I miss you laying next to me in bed, waking up with you, going to bingo with you, watching you bowl, I miss the way we felt together laying in bed making love to each other, the way we would kiss so deeply. I miss the way you felt, tasted and smelled, everything about you was so sweet.

I am sorry I could not love you the way I truely wanted to and I will never that mistake again. I will love the next person completely. Give them all of my heart and cherish your thoughts, ideas, laughter, smile & most of all cherish them.

It is never to late to learn how to love and I finally got it, and I know it is really a day late and a dollar short, but I got it.

I talk a good game and I learned that it is not a game, it is love and how great and peaceful it can be if it's with the right person, it can make you stronge, weak, laugh, smile & Cry all at the same time.

Thanks Seekingme,
Peace Out.
YourExLove.

You guessed it, this email brought me to tears. Damn it. Is it just another game of hers? It sounds different than before. Maybe she really has changed? What the hell? What do I do? This just sucks. I'm not unhappy with Eagle, but it's not happy either. If there were no chance with the Ex, I probably wouldn't even be thinking about leaving. Yet, here I am.....thinking about it again.

That's about it.

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