I've disappointed myself
2003-11-03, 10:01 a.m.

I had an emotionally exhausting weekend. It all comes down to the fact that it was November 1st, which was my own deadline to wait for MyLove and TheExFromHell to be not living together still...and of course they still are. On top of that based on financial situations, they aren't even close to moving out. So that left me very emtional, very angry, and ready to call it quits.

Friday and Saturday were spent on the phone on and off all day and all night with MyLove. I screamed, cried, gave ultimatims, you name it. Finally in the wee hours of Saturday night....my resolve broke. I couldn't take it anymore. I gave in. I let myself down, but I gave in and agreed to wait for MyLove for two more months! Yes I said it...two more months!

I tried to end it. I really did. Saturday I hung up on her no less than 10 times. I told her it was over. I told her I was moving on....I said it all. But she got to m. Hearing her cry and hearing the panic in her voice told me that she loves me...she really does.

But I do feel disappointed in myself. I did not stick to what I said I would and that makes me sad. But I guess there is SOMETHING making me wait for her a bit longer. I guess the promise of our life together and woudl it COULD be.

But I swear to myself that I will not wait past the first of the year. I cannot allow myself to continue like this. Besides that, the idea of being single, doesn't scare the hell out of me anymore. It really doesn't.

So that's that. For anybody who is disappointed in me...well I'm sorry for that...but you can't be more disappointed in me, than I am in myself.

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