End of a week, end of an era
2004-11-05, 9:48 a.m.

Well it's Friday once again. I've had a pretty good week. Eagle and I have gotten a long wonderfully, work has been great, money wasn't too bad this week. The only downspot was MyEx. Unfortunately, her brother passed away on Wednesday. She called me yesterday to let me know. I'm not really sure what she expected from me. I told her how sorry I was, I asked questions, I asked how she was doing, how the family was....beyond that, there's not much I can do. But apparently she expected more and when I didn't give it to her she let her frustrations out on me. She told me I've never been a friend to her and that I should not contact her again.

The oddest part of the conversation was that it didn't hurt. In some ways I understand that she's hurting and maybe I was an easy target to take that hurt out on. I also think maybe, and I could be wrong, but maybe she's wishing that she still had me. Because I know she realizes that had this happened while we were together, I'd be by her side, comforting, helping, holding, supporting, everything that I could do to help her, I'd be doing. But that's not my job anymore, that's the one that she chose's job. She and I both know logically that neither of our partners were ever going to allow she and I to spend time together. It would be stupid on all of our parts if we did. So the only thing I could do for her was talk to her on the phone and comfort her with my words, and it seems, let her tell me off. Maybe it made her feel beter, I hope that it did.

For me? I feel okay. I'll be sad if she and I truly do stop all contact forever, but maybe that's what is meant to be. I don't know. All I do know is that, I care about her, but I'm not in love with her anymore. Time did heal that wound. I am more able now to balance the good with the bad. I am able to see not only all the great things and the love that I felt, but also to remember the bad things too. She hurt me over and over again. She lied to me, and though I'll never be able to hate her, I can walk away from this knowing that I did not cause this. I tried to make that relationship work. I loved her more than I had loved anybody at that time. But I've realized now that that doesn't have to be the end for me. And it's not. Everyday I realize that I am more and more in love with Eagle and that the heart really can heal enough to love again.

All my heart goes out to MyEx in this time of pain for her, but that is all I can offer her. I hope that her GF can be there for her and help her through this.

My priority in my life now is the one that I am with, who loves me, and whom I love very much. And that is the way that it should be. Life goes on and you can either move with it, or fight it, but you can never stop it. I do not have time for regrets or looking back. I decided awhile ago that I had to let her go and move on with my life or I'd never be able to fully enjoy everything about the one that I'm with, I'd never be able to give Eagle my everything if I was still hanging on to something for MyEx.

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