pissy
2005-11-10, 12:41 p.m.

Today was a challenging class. There were two obnoxious jerks who did not want to have to e-file. So, they wanted to make sure everyone knew how stupid a system it was. Everything I said they would lean into each other and snicker, or roll their eyes. I called them out on it a few times, asking them if they wanted to share their comments with the class. They did, and I am happy to say that the class responded well to them. They debunked a lot of their gripes about the system. And then my passive agressiveness got them a few times too. But I seriously walked out of that class with a headache and a pissy attitude because of those jerks.

On top of that, even though I KNOW I said I don't care, and I really don't care....but I see through my sources that MyExLove and TheExFromHell are going to be going on vacation together next week. How cozy. I guess my rejection of myexlove just pushed her back into the arms of theexfromhell....right? Yeah right. I wonder if the two of them are actually playing this game together. I know I spend too damn much time thinking about it, but dammit, it pisses me off. It's almost pathetic if you think about it though. OBVIOUSLY, MyEx is not happy with the one she chose, even though she keeps on choosing her over and over. But she's so insecure with herself that she can't just leave the one that makes her unhappy. She has to try and find a replacement, and with that fails, she runs back to the one she knows will be there. Not out of love, but out of desperation. And desperation really is the key here. She desperately does not want to be alone, and for a strong person that she is, that's sad. It really truly is. But whatever, I don't care.

So Eagle's mom bailed us out, but made me promise not to tell Eagle and I won't. As far as Eagle thinks, because she bounced the last two transactions at her bank, her next check will be swallowed up with fees. In actuality, that is not true. Her mother covered everything, so her check will be just fine, and I'll be able to withdraw the money, put it into my account, and pay bills with it. Thanks God, that's a load off of my mind. And Eagle will think that she is broke, which she is.

She and I had some heart to heart talks again. She said, "please don't leave me." I said "I can't promise you that. You're not pulling your weight here. Recovery and living life is up to you, no one can do it for you." She once again agreed, but says she can't get out of the funk she's in. I said, to "act as if" and keep plugging away. If you convince yourself you are happy, you will be happy eventually. She is also going to talk with the doctor about adding another anti-depressant. But I also told her that the ephedrine she keeps taking makes it hard to acurately guage her true emotional state.

I feel pretty good though. I think Eagle's come a long way, and I am not wanting to leave her. At least not at this time. Certainly, the exit is not invisible to me, but I just choose not to leave. I'm pretty happy really. I mean other than the fact that I have to do most of the work around the place, she is bringing in an income, I'm getting lots of free time, and work is going great. Other than that jerk today!

Okay I'd better get some work done. I'll be off tomorrow too. So I'll be back on Monday,

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