an entry from home
2005-11-13, 12:54 p.m.

I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. Why do I do this to myself? I've been watching the pet rescues from the hurricanes. What is wrong with me that the suffering of animals can get me crying harder than the suffering of humans? I guess because I know that animals have no way of knowing what is happening.

I'm at home, actually online for the first time in months. I took grandma to see grandpa yesterday. Oy vey, is all I can say about it. Grandpa has a complete monetary fixation. He only talks about money, lack of money, what he's owed, what he owes (imaginary people). He won't even talk to us about anything else. Grandma gets very upset about it, I can see. We both try to steer him into other conversation, without success.

I am finding out that grandpa was not really the person that I thought he was. Grandma tells me that he was a very selfish man all his life, and was always consumed by how much money they had, or didn't have. I already knew that in the past 20 years or so, he had secretly taken out tens of thousands of dollars in credit cards. Grandma did not find out until he got sick and they started calling her and sending notices. No one has any idea what it is he used these cards to buy. We think maybe he took money off one card to pay the next, and so on and so on for 20 years. I tell ya, the older you get the stranger life becomes sometimes.

Eagle went to work yesterday, not without complaint, but I finally told her that her "poor me" routine was getting old, and right now (I was on my cell phone) I'm sitting watching my grandma's heart break because grandpa can't talk about anything but money and grandma is telling me how selfish has always been. And her she calls me to tell me how she doesn't want to go to work and she just wants to cry, and I don't have the patience for this. I told her that I"m sorry I can't be sympathetic, working is a necessity for the majority of the adult population and she is no exception. I told her I've been working since I was 15 years old and there were times I HATED my job, and I just wanted to cry, but I went to work because I didn't have any other option, and neither does she.

She went to work. She called to apologize to me from work, and to say that once she got there, she felt better. That's good, now one more day, today and then get gets a few days off.

Grandma gave me my birthday check yesterday. She believes in the one dollar per year gift, so this year I got $36.00! Woo Hoo... So I took myself to the store and I bought the Sims expansion pack, came home and played sims on the computer for about six hours straight. And, once I finish this entry, I'm going to play it again.

Well that's about it. I have to say that I'm excited that my latest banner I put up got a 9% click through rate. Holy cow! Way to go me. And if I got some new readers from it. Welcome and good luck keeping up with this drama fest that is my life.

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