quasi-single??
2003-12-01, 10:48 a.m.

Bad to work on a very cold and windy December morning. Is it really December already? Damn!

I had a nice four day weekend. Part of it was spent crying for various reasons.

Thanksgiving I was down. It was really the first Thanksgiving...hell the first holiday that I could not spend with the person that I am in love with. Last year I had MyLove and her family to help me through the first holidays without my mother. This year, I didn't. In fact this year MyLove's ex (aka TheExFromHell) spent Thanksgiving with MyLove's family. That pissed me off to no end. I let it be known that it pissed me off too. I'm tired of feeling like MyLove's mistress!

As somebody pointed out to me, even if MyLove and TheExFromHell aren't having sex, they are still having a relationship. They still live day to day together and I'm about at my wits end on it. So, MyLove and I fought, then we talked and we agreed that until she moves out of there, I am free to do what I want, with whom I want, with no questions and no holding anything against me.

It's not that I want to run out and have sex with the first person I see. It's just the principle of the matter. I'm tired of feeling obligated to be "true" to MyLove when she's not really being true to me. At least not in my definition.

I'm still sticking by my own rule that says that I don't want to get involved with anyone now. I don't want to fall in love, and I don't want anyone to fall in love with me. I just want to meet people, go out on a date, maybe even be affectionate, such as hand holding and a kiss at the door. I want to be able to do those things without feeling like I'm betraying MyLove. So, I'm going to try and do just that.

We'll see how it goes.

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