Fear Confirmed
2002-12-11, 3:01 p.m.

Just talked with MyLove. Turns out my fears that she would need to go to Vegas afterall were confirmed. She says she needs to have closure with TheEXfromHELL. At this point I just don�t even care anymore. I�m just tired of the roller coaster ride, so if that means she has to go there and spend four days with a woman who says she loves her and will do what it takes to prove it, then so be it. I can only trust that my love for MyLove and her love for me will perservere.

The bad part about it now is that now that MyLove has shared her view on her opinion that I am self-absorbed and try to make everything about me, I don�t feel I can express much of my feelings about the whole TheEXfromHELL thing to her. So, I�m going to try and bite the bullet and be strong. A lot of head nodding and reassuring her that I am okay and that I support her decision, which I really do. I guess my feelings are that if the worst thing that I can imagine happens, which is that she will realize her feelings for TheEXfromHELL and dump me at least I�ll finally know where I stand. And then I can move on.

I know that I have a place to live and that I can afford it no matter what happens. Though I�m not foolish enough to think that losing MyLove would be easy, because I know that it would tear me apart, but I would have to survive.

Another good thing is that for the four days before she leaves, she will be on night shift so I will not have to put on a happy face every night when I get home and I can feel free to cry at my leisure, maybe I can cry it all out. I sure know I plan to try.

Lastly I wonder how much of what happened with us yesterday had to do with her decision today. She says the two are unrelated but I don�t agree.

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