Almost Home
2002-12-18, 3:32 p.m.

Well less than 36 hours from now MyLove will be home. Not really sure where I stand with her right now though. I spoke with her last night and I got the feeling that she was being distant. I

mentioned it to her and she said no, but I know that tone of voice when I hear it. I asked her how she�s doing and I got the �I�ll be alright� which really means I�m going through a lot of turmoil in my mind right now and I don�t know what I�m doing. I tried to get her to talk about it, she said she�d talk about it more when she got home. Oh yeah that eased my mind...not.

But after the conversation I meditated and sent out love to her and let go of the fear I was feeling. I woke this morning feeling pretty good. I feel the fear slip back in now and then, but as soon as I feel it I release it again. If I have to do that 100 times a day I will.

I went back to my first Course in Miracles group last night. It was fun, and a lot of it came back to me. A lot of it also was blocked by my ego trying to tell me that I don�t need that mumbo jumbo. But I have created many messes over the past few years and it is time that I let some of this go and be more aware of my thoughts. I am glad that I went back and I do hope to continue.

I am anxious to move into the house in St. Clair Shores, I am really putting out the hope and desire for MyLove to move in with me, but if she chooses not too, I will at least know I have a place to live for as long as I want. My only need at that point will be a vehicle, but if I can get my old one on the road for a few months until my bankruptcy is over, I�m sure at that time I can find a reasonable lease or used car with a low payment.

I really need to start focusing on work, but I have been finding it very difficult to do so. I need to clean my desk off, get all the work that needs to be done, done and keep up with it.

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