Hard Lesson Learned
2004-02-11, 8:40 a.m.

Well it all came to a head last night. At least I hope it did cause I can�t take much more drama.

What happened now? Well Roommate Woman tried to get me fired. I sent her an email explaining how I felt and basically telling her that I wanted to get through the next few weeks with as little interaction with her as possible. I told her the reasons I think that she is selfish and encouraged her to seek some professional help with her anger and paranoia. Then I sent it to the email that I send all the jokes and chain mails to her. She claims that it was sent to an email that everyone at her work has access too. So she said her supervisor told her she should contact my boss about it. Which she did. I got called on the carpet for sending a personal email (through my personal hotmail account) on work time. If the person that she had intended to report it to had been there however, I could have really ben screwed. Luckily it was intercepted and hopefully I won�t get fired. But that was the last straw.

I went home and asked her to leave. She said no. She then called the police. Why? I have no idea. They have no idea. I explained to them the history of her physically assaulting me, and that I have never given her a reason to think that I would get physical with her. She put on the performance of a life time. It was really very entertaining. They advised us to try and get along, and then they left.

As I reflect on it now, I wish that I had just printed out the letter and gave it to her personally. I don�t regret telling her how I felt, and it was not my intent to involve her work into it. Though I have serious doubts that she is telling the whole truth there.

But as I tossed and turned last night, trying to figure it out, I realized something. I realized that everyone comes into our lives for a reason and I finally realized what purpose she had in my life. She has taught me how to stand up to a bully. All my life I�ve been bullied. From the sixth grade girls who wanted to beat me up because they, �didn�t like the way I looked.� To ex-boyfriends and even my ex-husband who bullied me into doing what they wanted me to do. Over the years I�ve gotten stronger and stronger, and Roommate Woman was the test. She was my final exam.

I�m not saying I deserve an A. It was a clumsy lesson, but it is a lesson learned. Most of all I learned that I need to not give any one the power to make me feel less of myself. And that�s what I did with her. I don�t know why. I think it has to do with the circumstances that we met years ago and the fact that I looked to her as an older and wiser person. I expected more of her than what she truly was. But that�s all past now.

As I lay in bed last night thinking of these things and cringing at some of the actions I took, but mostly dumbfounded at this woman�s ability to be the way she is, and yes I do believe she is either mentally unstable, or a very good actress, I realized that I need to let it go. I can no longer try to make her see me the way I want her to. It doesn�t matter what she thinks of me. Her opinion does not count in my self-esteem. Lesson learned.

I came in to work early this morning to speak privately with my boss. She is going to drop the email issue. That�s good.

I feel glad that it�s over. I�m tired. I�m surprised at her. I�m surprised at myself. But mostly I�m just glad it�ll be over soon. If I never see her again after she moves, it�ll be too soon.

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